Here we are again – closing in on yet another January 1; a new year full of pressured expectations, new challenges, and new beginnings. It hits us in the face, barely allowing ourselves the bittersweet pleasure of reflection. And yet, ‘new beginnings’ is truly an oxymoron because of a very simple fact: without reflections, we cannot begin, anew. We will only keep repeating the same actions and reactions that we have had in the past.
This has been a bittersweet and poignant year for me. On Feb 28th, one day after my son’s 17th birthday, I lost my mother. She had been failing for the last couple of years after suffering the cruelty of a stroke. She finally passed on while my Dad, my sister and I were all around her holding her hands as she truly and gently left this world.
I was not prepared for my Mom’s passing, and perhaps you never are. I am still surprised by the waves of longing I often feel, both when I need comfort and have done something I proudly want to share. My mother was my inspiration, and she indeed would be proud of the moral compass and compassion she set in motion with me. And with her death, she has also given me a surpising gift; that of a new and deeper measure of compassion.
Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung have both acknowledged that in adulthood, the death of a parent alters you significantly. It reinforces the importance of connection. During these past couple of months, I have become a better therapist, and a better human being; kinder and more compassionate.
Reflection has moved me along in life; helping to incorporate the positive experiences and allowing me to forgive myself and others for the negative ones. Looking inward, is really the key to any kind of change. We need to be able to look back and not be afraid to alter our patterns and recognize things that no longer work for us.
Take time from this hectic holiday season for yourself to quietly connect with a family member, a friend, or yourself. Appreciate the people in your life. Go that extra step, be a little kinder, take a risk. Offer more compassion. You’ll be delighted when you see how much will come back to you in return. If you take the time to look for it, all of life’s curve balls and crises have a way of giving back to you.
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